Archive | Funny Coffee Girl

Bed Making 101


Last week, I learned something so incredible, so life-changing, I can hardly speak of it. I don’t know whether to leap and dance and spin for joy or weep and wail and tear my clothes because I went so long without knowing. Y’all.You can make up your bed while you’re still in it. I’m not […]

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Be Mine

Be Mine

Valentine’s Day is what I like to call the “un-holiday” holiday. You don’t get a day off work, but if you’re not careful, you’ll still gain five pounds. There’s just so. Much. Chocolate. Plus there’s my favorite—those little candy hearts with messages on them. Those are the best. I remember Valentine’s Day in elementary school […]

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Hard of Hearing


I need a new secretary. My old one is either a smart-alec, or she needs hearing aids. Siri is the reason I spent the big bucks on an i-Phone. Despite the fact that she has yet to fetch my coffee in the morning, I like being able to send her on virtual errands to find […]

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The Impressives


I’ve always wanted to be an Impressive. You know the Impressives, don’t you? They’re members of that elite group of glittery people with nearly-perfect hair even on a windy day. Their clothes are always pressed, their speech always dignified, their nails always manicured. Those people. I really want to join their club. But in the […]

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Pitch Black


I don’t try to lead a dangerous, on-the-edge kind of life. I’m more of a play-it-safe, eat-your-veggies, go-to-bed-at-8:30 kind of girl. But sometimes I find myself on the brink of disaster anyway. Last night was one of those times. I lead a writer’s group at my church on Wednesday nights. These people are my tribe. […]

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Being Stretched


I have a question. Now, for all you male-types out there, please forgive me for asking this. I’m sure to you, it will seem like a stupid question. But as I watch my son’s fascination with one particular, everyday object, I am reminded of countless little boys and big boys I’ve known who have had […]

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To the Nines

49th birthday cake

I have a birthday coming up. And although everybody’s birthday is special, mine is rather unique in that I share the day with my mother and my niece. Three generations of girls born on the same day is a pretty impressive feat. My mother occasionally gets asked if she scheduled my delivery date on purpose. […]

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Soap Box Derby


I voted early. I’m glad I did, because from everything I saw, the lines on Tuesday were horrendous. And I don’t like waiting in line. Unless it’s for the after-Christmas clearance sale at Macy’s, because then I have an armload of designer sweaters and purses I couldn’t otherwise afford, and that makes me happy. But […]

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Hello. My name is Renae, and I am a purse addict. It all started when I was in 6th grade, and my mother bought me a pair of cream-colored kitten heels and a matching clutch purse. The kitten heels seemed fun at first, but the execution of controlling my already-awkward 12-year-old legs to walk on […]

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Buzzard Barf

Buzzard photo

Today, a buzzard threw up on my car. I tried and tried to come up with a better way to open this article. A gentler, more delicate way to tell you what happened. But how does one describe buzzard barf in a pretty way? It is what it is. And it stinks. More about the […]

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