Archive | Funny Coffee Girl

Hard of Hearing


I need a new secretary. My old one is either a smart-alec, or she needs hearing aids. Siri is the reason I spent the big bucks on an i-Phone. Despite the fact that she has yet to fetch my coffee in the morning, I like being able to send her on virtual errands to find […]

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The Impressives


I’ve always wanted to be an Impressive. You know the Impressives, don’t you? They’re members of that elite group of glittery people with nearly-perfect hair even on a windy day. Their clothes are always pressed, their speech always dignified, their nails always manicured. Those people. I really want to join their club. But in the […]

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Pitch Black


I don’t try to lead a dangerous, on-the-edge kind of life. I’m more of a play-it-safe, eat-your-veggies, go-to-bed-at-8:30 kind of girl. But sometimes I find myself on the brink of disaster anyway. Last night was one of those times. I lead a writer’s group at my church on Wednesday nights. These people are my tribe. […]

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Being Stretched


I have a question. Now, for all you male-types out there, please forgive me for asking this. I’m sure to you, it will seem like a stupid question. But as I watch my son’s fascination with one particular, everyday object, I am reminded of countless little boys and big boys I’ve known who have had […]

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To the Nines

49th birthday cake

I have a birthday coming up. And although everybody’s birthday is special, mine is rather unique in that I share the day with my mother and my niece. Three generations of girls born on the same day is a pretty impressive feat. My mother occasionally gets asked if she scheduled my delivery date on purpose. […]

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Soap Box Derby


I voted early. I’m glad I did, because from everything I saw, the lines on Tuesday were horrendous. And I don’t like waiting in line. Unless it’s for the after-Christmas clearance sale at Macy’s, because then I have an armload of designer sweaters and purses I couldn’t otherwise afford, and that makes me happy. But […]

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Hello. My name is Renae, and I am a purse addict. It all started when I was in 6th grade, and my mother bought me a pair of cream-colored kitten heels and a matching clutch purse. The kitten heels seemed fun at first, but the execution of controlling my already-awkward 12-year-old legs to walk on […]

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Buzzard Barf

Buzzard photo

Today, a buzzard threw up on my car. I tried and tried to come up with a better way to open this article. A gentler, more delicate way to tell you what happened. But how does one describe buzzard barf in a pretty way? It is what it is. And it stinks. More about the […]

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The D-Team


I remember that rush I got, standing on the podium in the 1990 Olympics as they placed the gold medal around my neck. I remember the sense of accomplishment I felt, knowing I’d done my country proud. And the applause! Oh, the applause was amazing, ringing in my ears, getting louder and louder . . […]

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Orange . . . the new black?

orange prison outfit

It’s a good thing I’m a law-abiding citizen. Well, other than an occasional infraction of our traffic laws, I’m a law-abiding citizen. But my rare (okay, not so rare) speeding ticket is usually the result of absent-mindedness, not defiance. Most people shouldn’t drink and drive. I shouldn’t think and drive. My point is, I wouldn’t […]

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