Mi mom sed I’ve bin notty, and that she wuz gunna tell u all bout it. But I’d like a chans to tel mi sid of the storee. Its not ez havin four legs when everone els in the familee haz too legs. On top of that, I don’t spek English as wel as thay do. It maks fer sum perty bad misunderstandingz at timz.
Ferst Id lik too say that I luv mi mom. I wont to mak her hapee. I no she luvs thos perty flowrz in the yard, and I wanted her to no I lik them too. So I at them. Thay tasted good, and I smiled, cuz then I new why she likes thim so much. But she got veree, veree mad and sent me to my howse without a treet.
I wonted to mak it up to her, so I deesided to bring her a presint. She luvs thoz dum chikenz so much. Ever day, she goz out to their howse and feds thim and talks to thim. I thot it would be ezier if I brot them to her, so I found my way into ther howse and grabed the slowest one. Mi bruther saw me and took it away. I didn’t bit hard, but the wimpee thang died. Now I’m a murdererer. But I didn’t meen to be. Honest.
Thats whin I deesided to run away frum home. I didn’t go veree far, but I got all muddy. It wuz grate. Mom and Dad must luv me, cuz next thing I no, thay are calling my name. I ran to thim, and I thot thay were happee to c me. But then they punished me by giving me a bath. There is no justiz in my werld.
This morning, Mom left her koffee kup on the sid tabel. I thot she was finnished, so I drank the rest of it. I only wanted to help kleen the kup, so she woodn’t half too. I got sint to my howse fer that, to.
Santa, pleez tell my mom I luv her and don’t meen to be notty. Pleez tell her that I dezerv treetz fer all those things I do. And pleez tell her that even whin I mess up, nothin, and I meen nothin, is so bad that I dezerv a bath. That’s just kruel and unusual punishmint.
And just in kase this letter haz swaid yer opinion of me, I lik bacon flaverd treetz and any toy that skweeks.
“The LORD is merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love,” Psalm 103:8.